A Permission Slip To Do It Your Way
What ultimately drove me to change the course of my career and move to London
The title of this is “A Permission Slip To Do It Your Way” and that’s it, that’s the post.
Just kidding.
Wouldn't it be refreshing if it were that simple? Like if the societal pressure, raised eyebrows and well-meaning yet misguided advice didn’t exist?
I learned the hard way that you don’t need permission. At what cost are you carrying the burdens of what other’s think you should be doing? You get one wildly short lifetime to do with whatever you please, let it feel authentic to you.
This post isn’t about being immune to societal expectations, brushing off opinions of others, or never taking things personally. I am, in fact, still working on all of that. However, what I’ve come to understand is that: two seemingly opposing truths can coexist, and people often project their beliefs, fears, and insecurities onto others.
What this post is about is the clarity I’ve gained along the way - the realization that I never needed to carry the guilt of not conforming to a blueprint or anyone else’s version of how life should look. We don’t need permission, approval, or validation from anyone else. We only need our own.
My Experience Following and Subsequently Unlearning the "Shoulds"
In college, I fell into the trap of following what I thought I should be doing, changing my major four times - from Fashion Merchandising to Nutrition & Dietetics to Biology to Marketing. Eventually, I chose Marketing for its flexibility to work in any industry, including fashion if I ever decided to return. Spoiler alert: I should’ve just stuck with Fashion Merchandising.
This period of uncertainty led me to one of the best decisions of my life: studying abroad in Italy. My choice was based on three criteria: a non-English speaking country, transferable credits (to stay on track after four major changes), and financial feasibility. Florence fit perfectly, and going to Italy felt even more meaningful due to my Italian heritage. Growing up in my family’s Italian-American restaurant, opened by my great-grandparents in 1933, had instilled a deep pride in my roots.
Being immersed in a new environment taught me so much about myself. Studying abroad was a turning point: it gave me independence, helped me find my voice, and sparked both my career and my lifelong passion for travel.
Personal Growth & New Doors
After graduating, I moved to Boston and worked at a digital marketing agency for five years. Though I learned a lot and met some really intelligent and interesting people, the environment became toxic towards the end of my time there and a persistent misalignment between my work and sense of self left me burned out. I had arrived at one of the lowest points in my life and needed to re-evaluate.
It took five months of introspection and healing to determine my next steps. I knew the traditional 9-to-5 wasn’t for me, and I craved a better balance between my digital marketing career and also feeling creatively fulfilled. I longed to reconnect with this part of my identity that I had suppressed for too long in favor of the ‘shoulds,’ yet always strongly identified with. So, I enrolled in some workshops to get reacquainted and explore various forms of creativity.
One of those creative workshops was leather wallet making - and while cleaning out an old computer around the same time, I rediscovered a leather goods business idea that I’d come up with while studying abroad (in a city famed for its leather industry). The timing felt like more than coincidence - it felt like a nudge I couldn’t ignore. So, I decided to pursue it, balancing it alongside my work as a digital marketing contractor.
This period of self-discovery changed everything. My perspective shifted, my confidence grew, and my internal dialogue became more positive. I felt like me again - happy, hopeful, and excited for the future. With each small step forward, my path became clearer and more authentically me.
I’m a firm believer that when you close doors not meant for you, new and much more aligned ones open.
Almost exactly two years later, amidst the global pandemic, I moved to London.
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
- Paulo Coehlo
The Weight of Societal Expectations & Timelines
Let’s consider some of the ways that the outdated and patriarchal societal norms, systems and structures quietly shape our paths and often contribute to feelings of disconnection. To be crystal clear, this remains one of my biggest mental hurdles.
First, is the concept of the “9-5” workday and the corporate ladder of ‘success’. The 40-hour workweek, attributed to Henry Ford, was designed to make workers more rested, productive, and ultimately better consumers. A self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps? It may continue to serve its purpose, but it leaves many of us feeling a lack of flexibility and personal fulfillment.
Secondly is the traditional timeline set for women. We’re supposed to find a husband by 25, have 2 children by 30, and then raise a family and shoulder the domestic and emotional burdens of everyone else - pushing aside our professional ambitions in favor of motherhood, and don’t you dare try to do both.
[As I type this, my husband literally just peered into my office and told me that I looked like I was about to explode.]
Lastly, there’s the American Dream, coined by James Truslow Adams in his 1931 book Epic of America. While it has inspired many - including my own family members who emmigrated from Italy, Ireland and England - it promotes a rigid, one-size-fits-all ideal that disregards diverse dreams and identities. It emphasizes individual achievement, often at the cost of collective well-being, and pressures people to chase milestones that may not align with their own values.
Thankfully, many of these structures are being challenged or dismantled though they continue to influence our lives today. While I share what I find limiting, I recognize these systems may work for others - and that’s okay! We all have different goals, values, and experiences, and that’s what makes the world interesting. At the end of the day, you do you.
A Permission Slip for Living Authentically
(I will be referring back to this regularly, too.)
You’re allowed to change. In fact, it’s the only constant in life. Your evolution isn't a rejection of your past, it's growth.
Accept new possibilities for yourself. Wherever you go and whoever you encounter, do so in kindness and with an open mind.
Trust & nurture yourself. It is a hugely courageous act to show up in the world as your most authentic self, especially in one that rewards conformity.
You’re not too old to start whatever it is you’re thinking about. Many of the world’s most interesting people didn’t come up with their world-changing ideas until later in life. Your timeline is your own.
Embrace your individuality and the many facets that make you who you are. You aren’t, and don’t need to be, one thing so don’t force yourself into a box.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it - and that includes yourself.
Make little you happy. What would they think of the choices you're making? I love the idea of setting your phone lock screen or background to a photo of yourself as a child as a constant reminder to show up for them.
And remember, those that love you want the best for you. So let that guilt go.
Practical Steps To Help You Find Your Way
These are some ideas and practices that I’ve found helpful in navigating sticky moments, reconnecting with myself, and creating movement toward a more aligned path. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and you definitely don’t need to overhaul your life to make meaningful shifts. The beauty of these approaches is that you can take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and adapt them to fit your unique circumstances.
Journal your thoughts and feelings - this doesn’t have to be everyday and it doesn’t need to look pretty, be a certain length or sound eloquent. Journaling helps us observe our thoughts more objectively and make sense of our feelings so just getting a little bit down on paper will make a difference.
Try to notice what things and people energize you and which drain you, spend more time with them. This goes for who you follow on social media.
Spending less time on social media helps, too.
Talk things out with someone you can trust - someone who you know will be a nonjudgmental listener.
Moving your body - whether that’s a short walk around the block, some stretches in the few minutes you have between calls, going to an exercise class, or trying at home yoga - will help release endorphins and establish a mind-body connection to break through any paralyzing thoughts and feelings you may be having.
Get outside in nature.
Meditate. You don’t need to do it for an hour everyday to reap the benefits. Try starting with a couple of minutes to help you feel more grounded.
Engage in a sensory activity to help bring you back into the present moment. This could be cooking, baking, gardening, knitting or crocheting, dancing, painting, doing your skincare or taking a shower or bath, to name a few.
Choose one small task within your complete control. During my burnout, making my bed became my daily victory. These manageable accomplishments are powerful - they remind your brain what success feels like, creating a ripple effect of motivation.
Explore your interests. Try something new. Sign up for a workshop you’ve always wanted to do. You’ll meet likeminded people and feel more in tune with yourself by honoring what makes you uniquely you.
Identify your personal values and what success means to you. This will help you take aligned actions and make sure that you’re happy on the way to that there. I wrote about intention setting in my last post and this could be a good starting point.
Have boundaries!!!
A recent message that was shared in a class I attended that I want to pass on to you is that our purpose is already within us - we just need to get out of its way.
You got this.
Loved this! It’s amazing how much easier life would be if we just trusted our first instincts - I did the same switching of majors in college too when I should’ve just stuck with the first one!
Career changer over here too! I’m test driving my retirement (in London) after leaving a 16 year old job! Scary but excited to have time to embrace being creative.